i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
