what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
