Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
