Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
