I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want her autograph on my taint
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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