That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
