Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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