It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
