I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
