I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
