Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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