I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
