um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
