I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
