you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
