i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
