turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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