I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
