I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
