Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We got so high we made milksteak
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
