There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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