I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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