i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think your dad took our porno
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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