if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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