Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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