I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
