I met the friendliest cop last night
my shit smells like andre
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
