also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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