I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
