I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
