....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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