i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
