What a fucking waste of an outfit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
