It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
