the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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