my room smells like sperm. sweet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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