you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
