Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
