She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
