the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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