ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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