i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
