Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
