His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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