Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
