In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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