guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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