I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
