Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
