help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
