I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
