Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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