I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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